If you asked me what I did today my didn’t-do list would be longer than the checked off to- do- list. However if you’d ask me to rate the level of importance in what I did do the rating would be high. I had devotions during his short morning nap, I held my sleeping baby for literally an hour or two because he naps longest that way, I admired his long eyelashes, I changed his soggy diaper, I smiled and talked to him and joined him on the floor for playtime, we went outside and he supervised from the stroller as I picked peas and pulled some weeds, he smiled at me from his bouncy seat as I started writing a letter, I kissed his chubby cheeks many times over, and we went to the post office for our daily walk.
When the desire to cut out a dress and write in relative quiet threatened to rob me of the joy of caring for and rocking my son, I had to remind myself I am not a babysitter; I am Jackson’s mother. Motherhood, as I am fast learning, is best defined as daily sacrificial living on a level that before-baby -Audrey was not familiar with. Three months into motherhood and it’s still a very real battle of laying down my agenda for the care of a totally dependent, tiny human being. Will it ever become normal life and viewed as such or is it something seasoned mothers still wrestle with?
I am new to the motherhood club and standing insecurely on the fringes it’s not hard to imagine the thoughts – yeah, and you think one is hard? Sleep is overrated my dear! Get used to it, a mother’s work is never done – behind the polite smiles and gentle inquiries of seasoned mothers. Three months into motherhood does not make me feel fully capable or have all the answers or even know what’s best for my child at times and like a dry sponge I’ll soak up loving encouragement, gentle advice, or sincere concerns . I am blessed to have been affirmed and encouraged on this new lifelong journey and I am surrounded by a host of wonderful women who are excellent role models when it comes to answering the call to motherhood, my own mother being the strongest influence and supporter.
I write all this as a Note on my phone instead of on my tablet because in the crook of my left arm rests my baby’s sleeping head, his body relaxed comfortably on my lap. His breathing keeps time to the typing of my thoughts. With a smile I realize I can still do what I find rejuvenating – writing- if I’m willing to type with my thumbs instead of needing a full- blown, all-fingers keyboard and like today, he napped for a full 2 hours giving me plenty of time for uninterrupted thinking and writing. So, do I still have a reasonable excuse not to do what I enjoy? No, I don’t. Many hours of my day are allotted to time spent on the recliner with a baby in my arms and it’s up to me how I will use that time with my hands whether it be reading, scrolling, or typing.
To the young and soon-to-be mothers I don’t have much advice for you but I encourage us to find joy in each day despite what the day may throw at us, to not find our worth in a completed to-do list , and to fully embrace the high calling God has called us to. To the more experienced mamas, you are invaluable and have so much to offer us newbies. We need you! Will you come along side us and be free with encouragement and helpful tips and just take interest in us and our babies? We appreciate you and thank you for modeling Godly motherhood so well!
The Crayon Box 